Stuck on a Runaway Train
Imagine being on a train. It runs at top speed carrying hundreds of passengers. You can hear the people laughing and enjoying happy banter. There are beautiful skylines and terrain to see out of the window. You are amazed by the beauty of the land so you take lots of pictures. There are a lot of stops, and people only get onboard. No one wants to get off. This train is a happy way to travel; people enjoy the journey. Over time, the train switches tracks, and the ride is not so smooth. Passengers aren’t laughing much anymore as confusion sets in concerning the train’s final destination. People are requesting to get off, but now there aren’t many stops. Chaos ensues. Eventually, the train goes from hundreds to just a handful of people. You decide that maybe you should try to get off too. Only to realize that your seat belt is jammed. You are stuck.
That is me. I am stuck. I’ve been staring at a blank screen for a few days, struggling with how to put my thoughts on paper. It is so easy to write about the exciting moments of life: Miss Double Digits going to middle school orientation, The Diva preparing for a new phase of school life without her, Stinker finally conquering potty training, or sharing more tales from the most epic summer vacation. But the only thing that is swimming through my mind is the fact that I’m stuck. I’m stuck on a train with an unknown destination in a jammed seat belt.
When you’re stuck, do you call for help? I do! While friends and family can offer advice, the truth is they can’t help you. The answer is not from external sources, and it’s not that I don’t know what to do. It’s that I am waiting on Him to tell me what to do. Yes, we’ve been here before, and I made a list of things we should do during The Wait. Unfortunately, I did not address how the pressure you feel can intensify the waiting process, and all I can do right now is breathe. Breathe. A simple inhale and exhale. Do it again. And again. One more time. Inhale peace and exhale frustration. Inhale joy and exhale pain. Inhale clarity and exhale confusion. Just breathe.
I said that I’m waiting on Him but what if He is really waiting on me. What is the lesson I am supposed to learn right now? What else am I supposed to complete in this season? What is holding me back from this breakthrough? Maybe it’s time for me to push through.
We have to remind ourselves that this moment in time is just that… a moment in time. I recently read that “we must learn to look at experiences from God’s perspective and recognize that the trial we face is a means of producing something valuable in our lives.” This feeling, situation, or experience will one day be a memory we’ll look back on and say, “Wow! I made it over,” or “Now, I see why I had to go through that.” When that day comes, I will not dare claim that I made it over on my own. I know without a doubt that nothing in my life happens because of something I’ve done or said. But it happened because God allowed it, ordained it, orchestrated it, created it, or breathed on it. He inhaled what was and exhaled what is. It is through His breath that I have mine, and that alone should be enough for me to keep going.
The train is still on the track, and I’m grateful. I am encouraged to keep riding, and see what the end will be. Eventually the train will make it to its destination. Sometimes the destination isn’t where you thought. The place doesn’t look like somewhere you’ve been before. But I know that God is conductor of this train, and He knows exactly where it’s going. While my faith is being stretched, I know that it is the only way to get right where I belong.