Confessions from a Reformed Hater
It’s time to come clean. I must confess. I have been a hater for the last several years. *Gasp* I know it, friends. You weren’t expecting this from me. But listen… In the true spirit of transparency and growth in this the year of our Lord, 2018, I feel like it’s time to put my feelings out on the table. With truth brings freedom. Right? And after all these years, I am finally prepared to walk in my truth and honor how I feel. And my blog is a judgement free zone!
Truth is I don’t like Mother’s Day. Now before you delete, unfriend or unfollow me, just hear me out. When I first became a mother, it was great! The love and attention I received on Mother’s Day was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It came from anyone and everyone, even strangers in the grocery store. I was shown appreciation all because of a beautiful baby girl who happened to come out with an attitude. (Y’all know her as Miss Double Digits now.) But it was really nice. After a few years, and another baby girl later, things were still nice, but a shift started to happen.
Mothers also have a sense of entitlement. Like I DESERVE to be recognized and honored for pushing out these heifers. Hell, I need a crown of jewels! I think every mother deserves it too. Unfortunately, that Mother’s Day with two was full of snotty noses, cranky and unreasonable children. There is nothing worse than feeling unappreciated on a national day of appreciation. (Like going to work on your birthday. That’s a no for me, dawg.) This would become one of the first of many times I dreamed of a kid-free Mother’s Day.
I began to notice that societal pressures were helping to make Mother’s Day more of a burden than a day to enjoy. Greeting card distributors charged ridiculous prices just to say “I love you, Mom.” Then there comes the questions about women in your family who are mothers but not YOUR mother. Do you buy cards and/or gifts for everyone? I’ll admit that part of it was my own fault. I am a gift-buying, card-giving, shower-people-with-love traditional person who believes in traditions. I felt I had to acknowledge everyone, but it got to be costly. Going forward, I knew I had to make a change; I just wasn’t sure what that should be. E-cards anyone?
Not to mention there were “family dynamics” that contributed to my dilemma. After my grandmother died in 2009, my mom no longer wanted to celebrate Mother’s Day. I understood her position, but selfishly, I didn’t agree with it. I felt like I was robbed of the opportunity to celebrate with her because she couldn’t celebrate with her mom. Then there were the years of house-hopping between multiple family gatherings. That gets old quickly. And there were a couple of years where everyone would get a card but me. That was tough because everyone loves my kids; how do you not acknowledge their Mom? Now don’t get me wrong, I have had some nice experiences like Mother’s Day Brunch or the annual lunch at Uncle Smooth’s house. But I still remember feeling like it wasn’t exactly what I wanted it to be.
After I had my son, my perspective on Mother’s Day shifted again. No one warned me about becoming a #BoyMom, but it definitely makes a difference. Even still, last year, there was so much back-and-forth about what to do to celebrate that it just took all the excitement out of it. That’s when I decided that I was going to do something different. I didn’t know what, but visions of kid-free days danced in my head.
This year was the first time I had a non-traditional Mother’s Day, and I loved every minute of it! It took the pressure off of buying gifts and cards, dealing with almost impossible hour-long wait times for after church meals, and having to act “unbothered” if things didn’t go as planned. I got to relax, enjoy myself, and didn’t have to answer to “Mommy” for at least 24 hours.
While I am not certain if I will have another non-traditional Mother’s Day, since I am still a traditional person (ha!), I am grateful for the time away and to reflect. Maybe I’ve just been doing this all wrong. Have I been focusing too much on the obligation of “tradition”, or have I had too many emotions tied up in it? Either way, I’m acknowledging that I was a Mother’s Day hater….until 2018. 🙂